I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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