Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Naked Twister starts at high noon
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
