There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
