3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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