I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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