I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
nutella sex= disaster
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
