After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
