life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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