With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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