Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
