Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
