Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
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I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm both gender and math confused
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