Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He? As in you personified your dick?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
