You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
