I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize