my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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