i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
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You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
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He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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