the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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