Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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