just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
