a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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