hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
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So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
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Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We need to get me chipped asap
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