after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
