What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
