ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Do you still have your period?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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