I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
