It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
