Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
