i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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