tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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