I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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