all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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