yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
