i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
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