maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You were trust falling into bushes
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
