Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
