Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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