you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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