to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
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is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize