I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
