Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
her vagine was all disorganized.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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