My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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