The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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