Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
