is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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