I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
