The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
