Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Then you guys just all showered together...?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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