I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
