i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
