just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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