I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
