Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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