see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
