Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
