did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
