Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
