Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
