I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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