Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
