You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
