i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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