the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
