Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
