they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
