when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
