I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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