Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
