explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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