A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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