I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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