I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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