I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
