When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
