a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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